cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
