Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
