soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
