he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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