talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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