i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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