i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
