You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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