as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
