Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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