I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
