I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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