went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize