Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
