Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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