I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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