Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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