I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
