Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
