Joe is yelling at the trees again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
