My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
