I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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