We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Randomize
