alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
