well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize