I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
