So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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