Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
