if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
