At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
