I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
