were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this will be a night to untag.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
