Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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