New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
