I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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