dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
