It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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