I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
