Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
