Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
