i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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