I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
