if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
