We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
