Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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