i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
