I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
