yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
