mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
