I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
