the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
