Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize