So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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