WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
