We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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