I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
