weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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