I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
