Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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