this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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