cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
