Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
