So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
