ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's blow job season.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
