I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
