sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
