bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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