Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize