Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
