Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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