Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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