see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
