I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize