I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
