I wish I could teleport
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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