$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
